Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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