Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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