At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
