i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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