no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
