she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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