How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
