Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
