wanna go halves on a baby?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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