My hand turned me down
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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