Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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