There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You may now shotgun with the bride
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
