i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
