So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
