I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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