If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
