After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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