u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
