Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
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You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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