peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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