Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
