id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
