Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
