You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
