Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
