the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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