She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
