Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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