There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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