Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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