I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
