We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he fucked my hip out of place.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
