Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
