I'll bet she douches with gravy.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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