I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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