either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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