I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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