do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
