The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
