Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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