His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
