She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well I just put wine in my tea
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
