I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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