imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
