Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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