well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
