did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
