Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
