Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
