wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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