i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
