I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
