I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you didnt know i had herpes?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
