Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need water and some morals
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
