He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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