He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
