He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
