Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
