I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
where does the pee come out of this thing
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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