don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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