NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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