dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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