i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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